Went out last night to a huge event downtown called the "fur party." I'm not sure about other places in the US but I live in Nevada, which is home to the Black Rock Desert, so Burning Man is kind of a big part of the culture here. Don't get me wrong, I am not a "burner," I have never been to burning man, and like many people here, I absolutely despise the one week at the end of summer when we get a ton of dirty hippies rolling through our city on their way to/from the playa. I think that the idea of burning man a few years ago was better. Back then it was about family, community, fighting the man, staying true to art, experimenting with love and friendship, and facing the elements. Now it's just about doing drugs and getting fucked up out of your mind and listening to electronic music. In general, that is the culture in Reno and Las Vegas these days. I cannot stand it. I wish I lived in Oregon or Washington or somewhere more natural and organic. This place is toxic. At least the people are. I see right through them.

I'm getting off track here. I need to stop ranting about my filthy city. So, this fur party... Well, if you have ever been around "burners" in their element, you know that they wear the tackiest clothing known to man. Pretty much anything goes. The girls will usually wear neon-colored fishnets with tutus, a fur-covered bra or stripper top, a furry vest, furry boot covers, neon makeup, etc. This is a good example of the outfits you see at burning man themed parties:

I have a few burner friends and how I ended up going to this fur party went a little something like this: I was at my friend Kat's house with Tarra a few weeks ago. They are big time burners but for the most part, they are pretty cool when they're not in burner mode. We were just hanging out, drinking beer. I ended up getting a little hammered and I actually agreed to go to the next burning man party with them. Ugh. The next day I realized what I had done and knew it was too late to take it back. So Tarra bought me a ticket and I dreaded the event for two weeks. They tried to convince me to dress up. I put my foot down though. Finally, Tarra convinced me to at least wear boot covers. They were horrid but I didn't even really notice I was wearing them over my jeans. Plus I was probably the most under-dressed person there.

So let me describe this party. I saw a surprising amount of people I know there. I was not expecting that. And of course, drugs were everywhere. It took place at a huge venue with several rooms and several DJ sets. Techno and dubstep and whatever the fuck else it was all sounded the same to me: horrid. My friends were all kinds of fucked up, but I took it easy because I'm not really into doing a lot of drugs. They make me feel dirty, like I'm rotting my brain. I'm paranoid by nature. I used to be mildly into some drugs but I had a bad experience with DMT when I was 18 or 19 and ever since then I've more or less been over doing drugs. Anyway, my friends were all doing the same shit: cocaine, oxy, ecstasy/molly, more cocaine, mushrooms, smoking weed, even more cocaine, more molly, just getting more and more fucked up all night long. I actually don't mind being around it. It's not like meth or heroin, which I do not like being around. People fascinate me, especially when they are experimenting with anything mind-altering. I like to see why people behave the way they do on the surface. I like to see people being primal. I actually think that drugs can temporarily take away the filters people have been conditioned to utilize with every human interaction. It's wonderful. But observing is one thing, and of course safety is a genuine concern as well.

Anyway, people are just generally acting, well...barbaric? Kind of tribal, really. Communicating through body movements, touching, eye contact. I spent a lot of my time at the various bars in the venue. It was hard for me to enjoy being out in the sea of people because I don't like touching people and I am just socially awkward. Plus almost everyone was out of their mind. It's just nice to observe, I suppose.

Around 3:00 am I was getting tired and uncomfortable and hungry. My car was at Kat's house so I called Mike to come get me. He is so awesome. We got some food and I sobered up, then passed out around 4:00. Even though it's not my scene and I was uncomfortable, it does feel good to push myself out of my own comfort zone now and then.

I've been working with kids lately at elementery schools. Do you have any idea how easy it is to get sick when you work in the public school system? I've been super sick these past few weeks. My boss said I'll be getting sick A LOT for the next few months, then I won't get sick too often after that because I'll have a crazy immune system. Funny how that works.

So, being a mature, responsible adult means I probably have plenty of totally grown-up friends with all sorts of maturity and whatnot, right? Ha! If only! My best friend, Kenz, has been crazy lately. She got this new boyfriend a few months back and she spends all of her time with him, which isn't the crazy part but it is kind of hypocritical since she has condemned friends for doing such a thing (as have I). Any who, she has been isolating herself from me and everyone else. She claims she doesn't have time in her busy schedule. I work two jobs and go to school and volunteer and have a boyfriend as well. Bitch can't tell me she doesn't have time. She works a part time job, that IT. On top of her keeping me at an arm's length, she's also been angry with me when I do see her. She gets all bitter and pissy when she drinks and tries to make fun of me and belittle me, it comes off as childish and downright stupid so I have no idea why I'm even trying to hold on to this friendship, other than we have so much history.

So, backstory explained, she was at my house about a week and a half ago (last time I saw her) and mind you I WAS MAKING HER DINNER. I had just bought some new makeup and it was in a little basket in my bathroom where I keep all of my random jewelry and hair accessories and stuff. It was definitely in there the night she came over because I had just bought it and I specifically remember placing it in the basket because it was unopened and I didn't want to just throw it in my makeup drawer. So a few days later I noticed it was missing. I looked all over my bathroom, in every drawer, under the sink, I tore the place apart. I emptied out everything and couldn't find it. I even searched all through my upstairs bathroom, even though I never even thought about putting it there (Mike and I share that bathroom and I try to not clutter it too much). I racked my brain for possibilities but only one conclusion was possible. She had to have taken it. No one else had been at my house since its' disappearance and she has a history of shoplifting and even stealing from her friends. She once stole $80 from her own sister to buy cocaine with. I just never thought she would do something so fucking petty--to her own friend. Does that make her feel like a badass? Stealing from a hard-working innocent person that you claim you're friends with really gets you pumped, Kenz?

I didn't know how to approach the issue. I was so petrified. I have a lot of pride so little things like this really set me the fuck off. So I let it sit for a while then I finally texted her when I cooled off some, something like, "You didn't happen to borrow my makeup, did you? It wasn't opened yet so I don't know why you would have borrowed it but it was sitting in the basket in my bathroom and it's missing now. You're the only one who's been at my house since it went missing so I just don't have anyone else to ask :/" and she responded something like, "I'll check my purse and let you know if I come across it but I don't think I have it, dude." Don't you think that if she actually didn't take it she would have said something less suspicious?

So annoying. What should I do? I know she obviously did it and it's been driving me crazy...

I've been trying to analyze my "style" lately and I've decided that I don't have one. I'm a cluster-fuck of everything.

I'm a tomboy. I hate wearing makeup. I can't even walk in high heels. I love burgers, chili dogs, and drinking beer with the guys.
Me last night eating some pizza with the guys at midnight.

I'm a rocker chick. I love to listen to all kinds of rock--especially classic rock. I play bass and guitar. Music is a huge passion of mine.

Me with my Fender Geddy Lee Jazz Bass a couple years ago.

I'm a sweet little baker. The sweet little baker persona is really just my nice side--I love to bake cookies for my loved ones, volunteer in my comunity, and help others as much as I can.

Me a couple months ago with a new cookie creation I made for a coworker.

I'm a huge nerd. I love computers, Harry Potter, and all things geeky. No shame!

I'm on the left, Kenz is on the right.

Sometimes I really enjoy dressing up. When I go out with the girls I definitely pride myself in my ability to "clean up well" and even though I'm usually a tomboy, pretty girl Christina is a pretty frequent persona I love.

Me almost two months ago on my birthday.

I have a lot of different sides to me and while I'm trying to figure out exactly who I am, I think I'll just enjoy being my dorky self. I'm a jack of all trades.